shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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