So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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