My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
