We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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