R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
