508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
