Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
