The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Randomize
