Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
