There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
