rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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