There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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