At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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