my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm having to shit out rocks
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