This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize