Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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