I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
