is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Barsexuality is the new black.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
