Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want to make a zoo with you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
