Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's the barista slut.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
