No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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