This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
