true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
