Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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