you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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