saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
