sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
