That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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