Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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