I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
