I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
