You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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