i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
