why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
