I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
