i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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