My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You can't motorboat a personality
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
