God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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