if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
