so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
