totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
