Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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