I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
