it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
