I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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