My cat gives me a boner
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
