Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
