There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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