im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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