she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
