god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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