Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
