I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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