Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
