phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
