Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
