Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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