RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
