You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
