he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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