its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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