Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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