I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
