we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
