I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
