I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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