She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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