why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
