Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
