i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
