there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
