my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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