yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
