I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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